Inner-City marketing consultant wholly unprepared for ‘vintage minimalist café menu’ at rural truck stop.
Byron Day, a seasoned brunch-goer has been set in a spin this weekend after being forced by hunger to purchase a snack from the 1970s at a motorway exit truck stop.
The decision came as a result of what Day referred to as a spontaneous “self-care” road trip to Rainbow Beach. After skipping his usual avocado toast breakfast, Byron set his increasingly desperate sights on a “little known, sub-suburban, asphalt forward, culinary experience”.
The linen-clad man was left bemused while searching for the alternative milk list. “I’m just not sure what’s going on”, said the 29-year-old terrarium enthusiast. “It’s 2021 and I consider almond cappuccinos to be a basic human right. Like how bars have to give out free water.”
Suz, the cafe owner and guardian of the bathroom key said, “We only serve milk that tastes like real milk here. I wasn’t elbow deep in Rose all morning for this guy to suckle on some nut.” Editor’s Note: We understand Rose to be a cow. “If he wants a feed, we have food in the warmer and he’s arrived at a good time because some of these dim sims were made last week. Fresh as!” said Suz.
We’ve been informed after some meditative breathing and positive affirmations, Bryon anxiously chose a chiko roll, a dim sim, and left the potato scallop as he did not understand what it was. In a bid to reduce his carb intake, Byron has been following a Gluten Free diet.
We now have reason to believe that after 18 months of no gluten, the Chiko roll is set to destroy his bowels.
More details will become available at the Caltex gents in 0.2 km.
Written by Dana Heriot
This satire piece first appeared on The George Street Journal on July 1st 2021