Exhausted student barely keeping it together scrolls on phone for three hours after ‘going to bed’.
Tensions have been high in a local woman’s share house since second-year engineering student, Chloe, has taken up the early morning habit of hitting snooze around a dozen times, before staring silently at the ceiling.
“I don’t know what her problem is!” Exclaimed frustrated roomie Josephine, “She went to bed at 10pm last night – seems like plenty of rest to me.”
Chloe has been experiencing a similar short temper after not being able to determine the source of her extreme tiredness. This is despite another roommate, Jess, reporting snippets of Olivia Rodrigo songs have been coming from Chloe’s room at early hours for the last few weeks.
“I’m in bed at the same time each night”, she says while absentmindedly double tapping her screen. She then laughs and stares out the window with bloodshot eyes, “Maybe I’m just not a morning person.”
This reporter notes that at the time of writing this, Chloe is sending an average of three obscure, but carefully thought out, gifs to various group chats per night, well past 12am.
The source of her drowsiness with such a bedtime routine remains a mystery…
Written by Dana Heriot
This satire piece first appeared on The George Street Journal on June 13th 2021