Table-cleaning cloths at local cafe look suspiciously like a QUT Bachelor of Laws graduation certificate
Hungover brunchers and late-morning exercisers alike watched on in fascinated disgust as an employee of the local cult favourite cafe, Ground of Appeal, went around clearing dishes from tables and wiping surfaces. The thing that had caught the eye of the customers was a material being rubbed over tables bearing the deep-cyan colour of the local tertiary institution known as the Queensland University of Technology (QUT).
Upon further inspection, the mysterious cleaning cloth was actually revealed to be a graduation certificate from the QUT Bachelor of Laws program.
Whilst on their thirty-minute unpaid lunch break, the Journal spoke to the user of the material as they wolfed a muffin down the hatch as to the reason that such an expensive piece of paper was being rubbed over filthy tables sticky with coffee spillage and stale croissant crumbs.
“I figured it’s the only practical thing that I can do with the flimsy piece of crap, isn’t it? They pay me pretty good here, not like the international students that work in the kitchen. But that’s none of my business.”
The employee and QUT Law alumnus, who wished to remain anonymous in the off-chance they may change their mind and set themselves back $10,000 in PLT and immeasurably in their mental wellbeing, gestured to the GPA written under their name. “Screw making a fraction more an hour than this pathetic little number only to bang my head against a wall on the 28th floor of some Eagle Street law firm. I’m quite happy right here,” they said as they wiped their hands on their hollandaise-and-coffee stained apron.
The Journal reached out to the cafe manager to comment on why they can’t afford normal chux cloths. Ground of Appeal are yet to respond.
This satire piece first appeared on The George Street Journal on November 14th 2019