QUT Beefs Up Campus Security Following the Introduction of Deadly Scooter Gangs
In a move that was both startling and controversial, QUT has banned Lime scooters from entering the Gardens Point campus in an effort to reinforce the war against Scooter Gangs.
Recent reports have found that students have been banding together to form gangs, the most common of which refers to themselves as ‘Juicers’. These dangerous civilians have dared to find a better way to get to uni rather than walk the frustratingly long trek from Central Station and the university is not happy about it.
“Since these gangs have started students were at risk of making it to class on time, and worse still, attending class in the first place. This was a serious financial danger for the university as they had to put some of the thousands they charge students in to paying for actual tutors rather than just sending out recorded workshops filmed in 2015,” confessed insider Professor Puffy (43).
The solution it seems was to bulk up security, most of which are ex-cons and charge a substantially lower rate than your average Contracts tutor.
With these watchful eyes around campus the university is once again safe from the threat that these gangs posed. If you see any dangerous Lime-ing activity please report it – vigilance is key!
This satire piece first appeared on The George Street Journal on March 7th 2019