Hungover brunchers and late-morning exercisers alike watched on in fascinated disgust as an employee of the local cult favourite cafe, Ground of Appeal, went around clearing dishes from tables and wiping surfaces. The thing that had caught the eye of the customers was a material being rubbed over tables bearing the deep-cyan colour of the local tertiary institution known as the Queensland University of Technology (QUT).

In the official statement, the Society acknowledged the needs of the modern Australian law student, and that the Society is committed to reflecting the evolving needs of their member base. For this reason, the Society announced the release of the QUT Law Hazmat Suit, for those busy times at the height of the semester when you can’t find a seat on either Level 5 or 6 in C Block and have to slum it in the regular library.

By Ashton Darracott

Rumours suggest the change of venue owes to the Society’s long position on Bitcoin coming to maturity and poor performance on the short-term Lightning Link money market. Ethical judgement has been questioned after forensic accountants identified commodities spot trades made on Mexican chili from the VIP room at the Regatta at odd hours.

“Since these gangs have started students were at risk of making it to class on time, and worse still, attending class in the first place. This was a serious financial danger for the university as they had to put some of the thousands they charge students in to paying for actual tutors rather than just sending out recorded workshops filmed in 2015,” confessed insider Professor Puffy (43).

Starting university can be a bit overwhelming: from the absolute panic that is your first class sign-on to trying not to stare too long at the cute Merlo boy when you order your first coffee. Here at QUTLS we’ve decided to make your life a little easier by compiling all the information you’ll need to make the most out of your first year in Law.

“Tbh I still don’t see the necessity of a Human Rights Bill. I mean as Queenslanders our main fundamental rights are free entry to Friday’s and free upsize at Merlo and the L Card already covers that,” provided Eric Chan (22).

“Hey guys, just thought I’d help everyone out and upload my full exam notes. Oh and if anyone wants to get together to study… or for any kind of human companionship I’d be down :),” his post read.

Jaywalking on your way to admissions is a definite deal breaker but offending multiple sects of society on national radio is no problem for the QLS, who have backed Kyle ‘Scandalands’ as their leading arbitrator this year.

Hearts broke all over Brisbane the night before Valentine’s this year when news broke that the beloved QUT Stalkerspace and all other affiliated Facebook groups had been Zucc’d out of seemingly nowhere.