Ranti-Vaxxers (noun): Australian boomers that are devoutly opposed to a jab and love to complain. Typically have an unquenchable thirst to blame everything on a Labor premier.

Local net warrior has an implied freedom to fight Ranti-Vaxxers online, reports say. Sarah has just received a 4 in LLB203 Constitutional Law. Close friends say she feels fit and proper to solicit constitutional advice on Facebook.

By Mia Hoy

As always, Becky started 2021 with a bunch of great resolutions. You know the drill: start my assignments earlier, actually try meal prepping this year and head to the gym maybe three times a week.

Well, it’s September and the gym membership has been cancelled, and most of Becky’s income has gone straight into the pocket of the CEO of The Bagel Boys. But this semester Becky is doing corporate law. And you know what that means. It’s one of those LLH-for-honours, we actually might care about this one day kind of subjects.

By Bella Busby

Friends of Ronny Grins (23), aforementioned 5th year, are bracing for an online spray about how Covid will impact the good start he’s made to the sem.

By Jaike Salmon

Local joke-news editor Saike Jalmon has found himself at a proverbial cross roads this morning, as the ‘young’ law student struggles to come to terms with a difficult fact. He’s quickly running out of stock photos of people burying their head in their hands…

By Jaike Salmon

The linen-clad man was left bemused while searching for the alternative milk list. “I’m just not sure what’s going on”, said the 29-year-old terrarium enthusiast. “It’s 2021 and I consider almond cappuccinos to be a basic human right. Like how bars have to give out free water.”

By Dana Heriot

Chloe has been experiencing a similar short temper after not being able to determine the source of her extreme tiredness. This is despite another roommate, Jess, reporting snippets of Olivia Rodrigo songs have been coming from Chloe’s room at early hours for the last few weeks.

By Dana Heriot

Clutching a half-empty Gatorade and $20 scratched sunnies, Hana relays that she was appalled to discover that her one woman mission to follow Dan Andrew’s direction and ‘get on the beers’ had been returned to sender.

By Dana Heriot

With exams looming, a bunch of sorry souls have awoken to find the LOL304 (Comedic Remedies) exam had been moved to an earlier date in the central examination period. The assessment now clashes with the LLB301 (“No, that’s my house!” Studies) exam. With one commencing on the 17th of June at 5.30pm, and the next at 1.30pm the next day, they overlap by 4 hours, and madness has ensued.

By Jaike Salmon

An unsuspecting first year student has revealed that she is clearly oblivious to the unspoken rules of the silent level when a seemingly innocent piece of paper landed on her desk. But after a speed-read of the document, and a confused but illuminating Google search, Jane Anderson soon learned that she had just committed the Level 6 cardinal sin.

By Ashton Darracott

The problem came to the attention of those organising the event when a QUTLS committee member commented of the homophonic (read again) nature of the word. They went further to identify that it could lead participants astray in preparation for the moot, due to the sexual connotations of ‘oral’. With fears that the oral submissions might take a bit of a left-turn, it was proposed the term ‘best speaker’ be used to avoid confusion.

By Jaike Salmon

Horrors of year 12 formal season have come back to haunt those lucky enough to be going to the event of the year. Every Facebook group chat instantly going off with possible dress options, screenshots of influencer makeup inspo, and the standard “Who’s hosting pre’s this year?”

By Maggie Wu

This year has been pretty tough for me without you. I’ve had to complete my assignments in their allotted time frames, instead of watching yet another episode of Grey’s Anatomy. It’s hard submitting an assignment knowing that you can’t have an extra five days to pine over whether you have answered the questions correctly or not.

By Ella O’Brien

The first lockdown went great for Sarah. Not that she’d admit it to her mates that think wearing LuLuLemon while drinking Shiraz is “…essentially exercising.” Why, you might ask? Sarah really loved making banana bread. She made it for every single bake sale, office party, and wake she was invited to. This was way back when Corona was just a sh*t beer.

By Isabella Busby & Jaike Salmon

One of the ship’s crew informed us that Captain Kong is normally a pretty run of the mill guy, but is more than a little obsessed with the third film in the Fast and the Furious franchise. “I don’t think he gets that they drift around corners in that movie. The canal’s a straight line, and he still managed to f*ck it.” Several of the crew have echoed this sentiment, with another informing us the Terriyaki Boyz hit song, Tokyo Drift, was playing at a deafening volume from the ship’s speakers when DK clogged the pipe.

Johnathon ‘Johno’ Johnson McSmyth III, a fourth year Laws and Business student who bravely stuck out 2020 at his parents’ waterfront Bulimba property, is reeling at the prospect of more Covid restrictions. Johno, is inconsolable at the thought further QLD Health imposed restrictions might again stop his parents from hiring out a rooftop James St venue for his 22nd birthday. These fears come as a local doctor tested positive for Covid.

By Jaike Salmon

Fast forward to the 21st century, both footwear now exist in the same social class. The RMs do still have a cruel tendency to dangle their dearer price tag over the Birks, but the Birks just laugh and ask the Concrete Cowboy what the carpet of the Qantas Club Lounge is like. This tends to get the RMs pretty cramped up. A retort about how the single piece of stitched leather makes them the perfect swagman’s shoe follows. But now, their bantering is more affectionate than anything else.

By Ashton Darracott

During an off-the-record interview with the GSJ, QUTLS Director of Gaming and Border Security, Winston Williams stated, “We’ve managed to get the hang of Zoom pretty easily, plus we’ve already branched out into the furthest reaches of social media when we launched our weekly TikTok competition. Using a wholesome game such as Animal Crossing seemed like a logical next step.”

By Alexander Harper

No less than one business day after clerkship applications closed did I see the first “due to COVID-19” email slide into my hotmail account. As they all progressively came through, each cancelling their winter clerkships, my already slim chances of securing an opportunity of working my ass off on Eagle Street alongside other students started to get even smaller. It was not until the QLD Law Society extended clerkship deadlines that I realised I was completely f**ked.

By Crystal McPhillips

“Sure, I’ll be the first to admit that they’re insanely picky and uptight, kind of attention seeking, and they steadfastly refuse to budge on their morals and opinions unless proven wrong. But they are also a surprisingly good listener, and give really thorough advice. Like, they even run through real life scenarios with me to show me how to best handle situations! Don’t even get me started on their attention to detail skills. They’re a real Virgo, if I do say so myself.”

By Ashton Darracott

Hannah went on to say that seeing constitutional problems play out in real life made the stuffy legal document much more real. “They don’t teach you this (expletive) in law school. Nothing against the teaching staff or the 300-page constitutional law cases at all. I just sort of think that I probably wouldn’t have failed the subject had this happened before I took Const[itutional Law].”

By Ashton Darracott